Well I did good the whole day with my dare until. He was getting ready to go out with some guys from class. Then I asked a stupid question. "Do I need to be concerned about tonight?" Fair statement because he had lied about the events from Thursday. Regardless of how true it was, it was just like the book said...unnecessary. Like twisting the knife after you've stabbed. I regretted right after I hit send. Can't change it now, but I've made amends I think.
Today started snippy from him, I asked about the problem he thinks he had. He hasn't talked about it yet. But this is behavior that is just like his dad's with whom he no longer has a relationship with because of that and a whole load of other issues not related to our current problems. We'll see how that goes.
But things seem to be smoothing over. I'm noticing changes too. The more I correct and gauge my responses and behaviors. The more he responds... sometimes with a "this is different" sometimes trying to bait me, and sometimes just positively.
But on to today... Day 7 Love believes in the best.
Your heart is divided into two rooms the appreciation room and the depreciation room. The Appreciation room is where all the good things about your spouse come from. On the opposite room its where all the negative has come from.
Love acknowledges both exist but chooses to stay in the Appreciation room. It's an active choice to stay out of the Depreciation room, some days more active than others. Time to let love lead you thoughts and believe the best in him. Now that doesn't mean ignoring anything like bad behaviors or things that would obviously wrong. But as a whole believe the best in him.
I have to wrangle in my negative thoughts and let my heart truly love him.
My dare: make 2 lists a positive and negative list of his attributes and then hide it away to be used later. At some point take time to thank him for one of those attributes.
Positive Negative
patient impatient
funny harsh
sensitive dishonest
romantic unfaithful
honest brutally honest
cleans like OCD points out my every fault
smart cocky sometimes
drive/determination stubborn
handsome pessimistic
adventurous sometimes too risky
resentful
mean
I can't think of anything else at the moment.... will update later.
Now to go clean up..
Well some interesting things developed today. Thought I might share. I had a very good talk with a girlfriend and she basically reiterated everything from the book... Confirming my thoughts. Hard to change but gotta be done if I want to be with hubby. Hold my tongue, be calm and think very hard about the words I put out there....be sincere, gracious, and seek to have love guide me not anger, bitterness, or fear... Fear is the big one.
Hubby acknowledged that things have been different lately, my being more level headed than I ever have been. He appreciated it too... good sign in my opinion. He also added that he agreed that hes past actions have also created the situation we find ourselves in, and admitted that he deserved at least some of my responses. He apologized even.
I peeked ahead for tomorrow...that ones going to be tough. Talks about Jealousy and getting rid of everything in the negative list. Also the list of hurtful statements he has said to me in the past on my phone. I told myself I kept it as a reminder of what not to be...but the more I read and the more I think about it, I used it more to fuel my insecurities and as ammunition against him. Time to let it all go. But we'll get into this tomorrow.
Have a good night.
Ok last update....lol I promise!
More hope...we were talking about a vibe he got from talking to someone close to both of us. Apparently it either made him feel guilty or something....cuz he asked me about it. And after I reassured him that I hadn't told them anything. I added that I was holding out hope that I wouldn't have to tell them anything.
He said that he hoped that too.
Now most may not see that as anything big, but after hearing that there was nothing left...to hear that just tells me even more that he wants this to work too.
Ok going to bed.
for real.
Today started snippy from him, I asked about the problem he thinks he had. He hasn't talked about it yet. But this is behavior that is just like his dad's with whom he no longer has a relationship with because of that and a whole load of other issues not related to our current problems. We'll see how that goes.
But things seem to be smoothing over. I'm noticing changes too. The more I correct and gauge my responses and behaviors. The more he responds... sometimes with a "this is different" sometimes trying to bait me, and sometimes just positively.
But on to today... Day 7 Love believes in the best.
Your heart is divided into two rooms the appreciation room and the depreciation room. The Appreciation room is where all the good things about your spouse come from. On the opposite room its where all the negative has come from.
Love acknowledges both exist but chooses to stay in the Appreciation room. It's an active choice to stay out of the Depreciation room, some days more active than others. Time to let love lead you thoughts and believe the best in him. Now that doesn't mean ignoring anything like bad behaviors or things that would obviously wrong. But as a whole believe the best in him.
I have to wrangle in my negative thoughts and let my heart truly love him.
My dare: make 2 lists a positive and negative list of his attributes and then hide it away to be used later. At some point take time to thank him for one of those attributes.
Positive Negative
patient impatient
funny harsh
sensitive dishonest
romantic unfaithful
honest brutally honest
cleans like OCD points out my every fault
smart cocky sometimes
drive/determination stubborn
handsome pessimistic
adventurous sometimes too risky
resentful
mean
I can't think of anything else at the moment.... will update later.
Now to go clean up..
Well some interesting things developed today. Thought I might share. I had a very good talk with a girlfriend and she basically reiterated everything from the book... Confirming my thoughts. Hard to change but gotta be done if I want to be with hubby. Hold my tongue, be calm and think very hard about the words I put out there....be sincere, gracious, and seek to have love guide me not anger, bitterness, or fear... Fear is the big one.
Hubby acknowledged that things have been different lately, my being more level headed than I ever have been. He appreciated it too... good sign in my opinion. He also added that he agreed that hes past actions have also created the situation we find ourselves in, and admitted that he deserved at least some of my responses. He apologized even.
I peeked ahead for tomorrow...that ones going to be tough. Talks about Jealousy and getting rid of everything in the negative list. Also the list of hurtful statements he has said to me in the past on my phone. I told myself I kept it as a reminder of what not to be...but the more I read and the more I think about it, I used it more to fuel my insecurities and as ammunition against him. Time to let it all go. But we'll get into this tomorrow.
Have a good night.
Ok last update....lol I promise!
More hope...we were talking about a vibe he got from talking to someone close to both of us. Apparently it either made him feel guilty or something....cuz he asked me about it. And after I reassured him that I hadn't told them anything. I added that I was holding out hope that I wouldn't have to tell them anything.
He said that he hoped that too.
Now most may not see that as anything big, but after hearing that there was nothing left...to hear that just tells me even more that he wants this to work too.
Ok going to bed.
for real.
No comments:
Post a Comment