If anyone does read this, from the views it looks like there are a few, I would greatly appreciate some feedback and opinions on what constitutes cheating on your spouse.
So I had this feeling...something was off, he was distracted and not by the homework he had to do with the school he's at. It got worse when he called and sounded completely preoccupied but wasn't even doing anything with his paper so I knew that wasn't what was on his mind. So on a hunch I pulled the usage logs on our cell phones. He had spent the entire day texting another number. A number that was no where to be found prior to 12:56 AM Saturday morning. So I did a little digging and found out who it belonged to as well as one other number he had just received and started texting with. Well both were women, that he had just met, one in the class with him and another he picked up at a club.
He lied, never mentioned the club he went to on Thursday he had gone to hooters with people from class to watch the NFL Draft. that's fine. They went out afterwards...he conveniently left that part out. So I did the crazy bitch move and called her. She confirmed that she met him at a club, and they danced and he got her number.
Next I called him, he came clean and corroborated her story. They traded a few pics and sexted a little but also talked about regular stuff. As far as the female from his class, I guess she pretty much told him without using the exact words that she wanted to have sex. He volunteered that.
Prior to starting this blog up again I began reading a few books as I've mentioned and sought the advice of a trusted friend.
She trusts her husband and if mine hadn't lied about it she wouldn't consider this cheating. For her, its just words. The fantasy of it.
If this would have happened 6 months ago I would have considered it cheating. Hell, if it happened last month I would consider it cheating. But now, I'm torn...I don't think that I'm upset that he did it, I'm upset that he lied to me. I'm upset that he went to her in the midst of our issues.
His statement was that (1) this is a product of our current situation. He feels I don't listen and this person does. (2) he thinks he has a problem. I believe the last part. I think he has a problem as well. But I'm not sure how to proceed. I love him dearly but I'm not sure if I can trust what he says anymore. Maybe that will change in the future...I dunno. I do know that I do not want to make a rash decision out of emotion in this moment.
Back to the books. This is day 6. You know that movie Fireproof...that nearly describes us at this point....damn near to a T...
Love is not irritable. "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32
To be irritable it says is to be near the point of a knife...uhh...
Love doesn't get angry or hurt without reason. Stress and Selfishness are the two main causes of irritability. weighed down, drained of energy caused by anxiety insecurity, lustful feeling, pride, envy, jealousy, bitterness and greed.
It goes on, I wish I could just copy and paste it because it literally seems like it is describing last night...
So the dare: to react to tough circumstances in loving ways instead of irritation. Make a list of where I need to add margin to my schedule Then list any wrong motivations that I need to release from my life.
You've got to be kidding me....
I've recently overreacted when in the car with hubby freaking out when in reality he wasn't close to the car. I let my better judgement get the best of me and I went snooping. I found something bad, but I didn't react with anger...I'm keeping my mouth shut when needed to and being loving concerned. But I did make it clear that I was angry and hurt.
I need to release my insecurity, my jealousy, my anger, resentment, and my bitterness.
That's going to be a lot of work...
We did talk this morning I explained my feeling and concerns in a very calm and collected manner. He responded with "whatever." But I didn't take the bait. I didn't try to explain further, or say it another way. I didn't get angry. I kept my mouth shut for now....and we keep trudging along.
May update later...have a good day.
So I had this feeling...something was off, he was distracted and not by the homework he had to do with the school he's at. It got worse when he called and sounded completely preoccupied but wasn't even doing anything with his paper so I knew that wasn't what was on his mind. So on a hunch I pulled the usage logs on our cell phones. He had spent the entire day texting another number. A number that was no where to be found prior to 12:56 AM Saturday morning. So I did a little digging and found out who it belonged to as well as one other number he had just received and started texting with. Well both were women, that he had just met, one in the class with him and another he picked up at a club.
He lied, never mentioned the club he went to on Thursday he had gone to hooters with people from class to watch the NFL Draft. that's fine. They went out afterwards...he conveniently left that part out. So I did the crazy bitch move and called her. She confirmed that she met him at a club, and they danced and he got her number.
Next I called him, he came clean and corroborated her story. They traded a few pics and sexted a little but also talked about regular stuff. As far as the female from his class, I guess she pretty much told him without using the exact words that she wanted to have sex. He volunteered that.
Prior to starting this blog up again I began reading a few books as I've mentioned and sought the advice of a trusted friend.
She trusts her husband and if mine hadn't lied about it she wouldn't consider this cheating. For her, its just words. The fantasy of it.
If this would have happened 6 months ago I would have considered it cheating. Hell, if it happened last month I would consider it cheating. But now, I'm torn...I don't think that I'm upset that he did it, I'm upset that he lied to me. I'm upset that he went to her in the midst of our issues.
His statement was that (1) this is a product of our current situation. He feels I don't listen and this person does. (2) he thinks he has a problem. I believe the last part. I think he has a problem as well. But I'm not sure how to proceed. I love him dearly but I'm not sure if I can trust what he says anymore. Maybe that will change in the future...I dunno. I do know that I do not want to make a rash decision out of emotion in this moment.
Back to the books. This is day 6. You know that movie Fireproof...that nearly describes us at this point....damn near to a T...
Love is not irritable. "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32
To be irritable it says is to be near the point of a knife...uhh...
Love doesn't get angry or hurt without reason. Stress and Selfishness are the two main causes of irritability. weighed down, drained of energy caused by anxiety insecurity, lustful feeling, pride, envy, jealousy, bitterness and greed.
It goes on, I wish I could just copy and paste it because it literally seems like it is describing last night...
So the dare: to react to tough circumstances in loving ways instead of irritation. Make a list of where I need to add margin to my schedule Then list any wrong motivations that I need to release from my life.
You've got to be kidding me....
I've recently overreacted when in the car with hubby freaking out when in reality he wasn't close to the car. I let my better judgement get the best of me and I went snooping. I found something bad, but I didn't react with anger...I'm keeping my mouth shut when needed to and being loving concerned. But I did make it clear that I was angry and hurt.
I need to release my insecurity, my jealousy, my anger, resentment, and my bitterness.
That's going to be a lot of work...
We did talk this morning I explained my feeling and concerns in a very calm and collected manner. He responded with "whatever." But I didn't take the bait. I didn't try to explain further, or say it another way. I didn't get angry. I kept my mouth shut for now....and we keep trudging along.
May update later...have a good day.
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