Well in the past three days, we've gone from going up to not going up to going up again...Now we are just working out the details to see whether or not we really will drive up. He says he can't afford to lose the study time which is kind of true, but wants to spend mothers day with me. Ok, makes sense. Makes me think the great weekend we had, has shown him that we could have it again. Giving him hope that things can be normal for us again. Or at least that's my hope.
Love is honorable. Day 15, is about the use of powerful words. Those words that have meaning and are only used in certain circumstances. So what is honor. It means to hold someone in high regard, or to give them respect. You watch your language, are polite and courteous. You listen and really try to understand what they are trying to say or how they are feeling.
But when looking at one's spouse is there a better word that could be used....think about it. Holy. Holy Matrimony. Not that they are perfect, but that they are set aside for a higher purpose. When your spouse is holy to you they are special, sacred, honored, respected and defended.
The concern is are we all doing that in our marriages. Do we treat our spouse that way? For most that answer is probably no. At least not all the time...and maybe with good reason.
That's what love is about. It's to say that your love for your spouse and your marriage is kept above all else, even when rejected. It says I will sacrifice for you. For all your sins, faults, angry words, and everything that could be done wrong, I STILL CHOOSE YOU. I love you.
That's a bold statement. That means you have to let go of the hurt and the pain...you are continuing to use what we've learned through today.
I had someone ask me about lies today. and I want to share the advice I gave her.
When you have been wrong by lies. You have to look at a few things.
One who did the lying and how much they mean to you.
Can you forgive them for this lie?
Are they worth forgiving?
Then whether or not to continue the relationship with them...friend or family.
Focusing on that second half of that, if they are worth forgiving then you have to make an active effort to forgive them, some days you require more effort than others, but forgiveness we've learned isn't about them. It's for you. It's how you put it behind you. It's how you say "Ok, I accept what has happened, like it or not, and I'm moving on for me."
It takes time and if you can't forgive just yet you need to look at why... What is keeping you from letting go of this.
Until you have dealt with all of what has happened, you'll never be able to forgive and move on with or without them.
It pulls in everything I've talked about up until now... you do what you need to and everything else will fall into place. You can't control your spouse but if you control your actions you will get the reaction you want from your spouse nearly every time. And, so far this holds true.
I've stopped trying to bait him and or catch him in a lie. I've kept my mouth shut rather than saying something accusatory I've left him to do what he needs to do and he's come to me more and more. He even said he missed me last night, he posted it on facebook as well. He's being more attentive and more affectionate. Yes we had a horrible argument last week but taking that out of context, so far things seem to be working the right way. I have hope.
Till tomorrow.
Update...10 pm....
Well hopes have been dashed, not going to see him and he's not coming down here. He doesn't have 8 hours to spare this weekend 4 hours down and 4 hours back. Not enough time to do that. However after a class dinner he has the time to go out drinking afterwards. He left for dinner at 5 its 10 now. 2 hours for dinner and we are counting at least 3 hours....damn near enough time for the time to get down here. If he stays out til midnight that would cover the trip down at a minimum and part of the trip back.
I know he needs to let of steam and all but come on don't tell me you don't have time to come down because you need to study and then go out all night. That"s kinda messed up don't ya think.
If he asks yeah I'll tell him it kinda stung that he had time to go out drinking with guys who don't do anything with him unless he initiates, but doesn't have time to drive down here to be with me for Mothers day.... come on really.... wtf......
Love is honorable. Day 15, is about the use of powerful words. Those words that have meaning and are only used in certain circumstances. So what is honor. It means to hold someone in high regard, or to give them respect. You watch your language, are polite and courteous. You listen and really try to understand what they are trying to say or how they are feeling.
But when looking at one's spouse is there a better word that could be used....think about it. Holy. Holy Matrimony. Not that they are perfect, but that they are set aside for a higher purpose. When your spouse is holy to you they are special, sacred, honored, respected and defended.
The concern is are we all doing that in our marriages. Do we treat our spouse that way? For most that answer is probably no. At least not all the time...and maybe with good reason.
That's what love is about. It's to say that your love for your spouse and your marriage is kept above all else, even when rejected. It says I will sacrifice for you. For all your sins, faults, angry words, and everything that could be done wrong, I STILL CHOOSE YOU. I love you.
That's a bold statement. That means you have to let go of the hurt and the pain...you are continuing to use what we've learned through today.
I had someone ask me about lies today. and I want to share the advice I gave her.
When you have been wrong by lies. You have to look at a few things.
One who did the lying and how much they mean to you.
Can you forgive them for this lie?
Are they worth forgiving?
Then whether or not to continue the relationship with them...friend or family.
Focusing on that second half of that, if they are worth forgiving then you have to make an active effort to forgive them, some days you require more effort than others, but forgiveness we've learned isn't about them. It's for you. It's how you put it behind you. It's how you say "Ok, I accept what has happened, like it or not, and I'm moving on for me."
It takes time and if you can't forgive just yet you need to look at why... What is keeping you from letting go of this.
Until you have dealt with all of what has happened, you'll never be able to forgive and move on with or without them.
It pulls in everything I've talked about up until now... you do what you need to and everything else will fall into place. You can't control your spouse but if you control your actions you will get the reaction you want from your spouse nearly every time. And, so far this holds true.
I've stopped trying to bait him and or catch him in a lie. I've kept my mouth shut rather than saying something accusatory I've left him to do what he needs to do and he's come to me more and more. He even said he missed me last night, he posted it on facebook as well. He's being more attentive and more affectionate. Yes we had a horrible argument last week but taking that out of context, so far things seem to be working the right way. I have hope.
Till tomorrow.
Update...10 pm....
Well hopes have been dashed, not going to see him and he's not coming down here. He doesn't have 8 hours to spare this weekend 4 hours down and 4 hours back. Not enough time to do that. However after a class dinner he has the time to go out drinking afterwards. He left for dinner at 5 its 10 now. 2 hours for dinner and we are counting at least 3 hours....damn near enough time for the time to get down here. If he stays out til midnight that would cover the trip down at a minimum and part of the trip back.
I know he needs to let of steam and all but come on don't tell me you don't have time to come down because you need to study and then go out all night. That"s kinda messed up don't ya think.
If he asks yeah I'll tell him it kinda stung that he had time to go out drinking with guys who don't do anything with him unless he initiates, but doesn't have time to drive down here to be with me for Mothers day.... come on really.... wtf......
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