Where did it all go wrong

Hubby left for a school yesterday, prior to that we spent roughly a day fighting....right before he leaves he tells me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore, he loves me, is in love with me and wants to be with me, just doesnt' think he can do this anymore.
No one ever told us that marriage was so much work. We learned the hard way.
12 years of marriage. I can't give up. I still see in his eyes the want, the hope that this can get better. Regardless of what his anger is saying at the moment.
Does it go back to our lifestyle, maybe... mainly I thing we forgot about how to love each other, forgot how to keep each other first and our marriage in the forefront. We both let anger, resentment, hurt, frustration and pain cloud our views of the other.
So where do I begin....
We really are the anomaly when it comes to marriage. I've said it before...

We met at a military school.  So I find my self out processing the soldier who didn’t make it through the course, and he's a very sweet guy one of those that you instantly are friends with. So that a day or so later, I see him with his friends one is a complete idiot and attaches himself to me…he was just one of those rejects you can’t get rid of. But the third one…he had something… a little bit of the eyes, a little bit of the shyness and those manners…a gentlemen, very hard to find these days. Well after being hit on so to speak by the others hes sitting at a table next to us, I move over and strike up conversation with him…we’ve been inseparable ever since. Now here is the fate part… Our moms were born on the exact same year and date . He has three sisters and I have three brothers. And it was mere chance that I ended up in airborne school because the recruiter said “hey how about this”.  That’s just too much coincidence for me.  

Nearly 12 years later, we find ourselves at the worst of for better or worse. All is not lost, a little hope can go a long way.

We've had two indiscretions..on his part. one was an emotional affair, one was a fantasy email whatever the fuck you want to call it they were on different continents. Either way the depleted my trust. I'm not sure he really gets the damage done. This first one especially. Up until then I had blind trust of him. and then I found resentment in things because of the way it unfolded...anytime he wanted to ride a bike I related that to him cheating..because an email I saw said he was going to ride over on his bike..His friend...he contacted her while with him...so I look at that friend as condoning the behavior...

I love him dearly and want us to work, I firmly believe we are two of a kind...letting go of these things are a lot harder than you might think.

He has his issues with me too, its not a one way street. I was pretty lazy for a long time. Overweight and depressed. It took me 20 years to figure out I really did have ADD, the real version, everyone always attributed my issues to personality quirks because everyone I knew had at least one or two...but I had them all.

He put up with a lot of crap for 12 years. and it builds up and creates this hardening of the heart...full of resentment, pain, and contempt.

One to which he says he doesn't think he can come back from...he's not sure if he wants to for that matter.

So he's off to a school for 5 weeks and we try to figure out what we can do from here...

The Army sends families on marriage retreats, we have found these incredibly helpful. based on faith, we only took what we wanted/needed from them. We came to the Love Dare. Something that's based on faith and meant for couples toeing the line of divorce. I don't think we could toe that line anymore without walking over it.

I don't see a life for me without him. Sounds corny and like I'm codependent, but that's not it...we both agree we would be miserable without each other, that we were meant for each other.

We just have to find our way back....