Ok the how we met part is in my original post of "where did it all go wrong". I was about 8 weeks along with our oldest daughter. A month after she was born we were reassigned to an overseas location. Our passports took longer than expected so we were separated for 3 months there. After getting to our new home it was hard to adjust, foreign country where I didn't speak the language, field problems each year in the spring and fall as well as smaller ones during the remaining times. These took up a minimum of 28-30 weeks a year.
I fell into a depression, partly post partum, but also because of our situation. Over the next few years it got worse and I became the tupical Army spouse... wearing my hubbys pt shirts around no make hair in a ponytail or bun..I gave up on me. Our relationship suffered as did our sex life.
Finally got the courage after a big fight to go to a Dr...the Major who saw me, didn't want to listen to what was going on and gave me an Rx for happy pills.
Bandaid 1 in place.
Then I got pregnant with baby girl #2 While on the depo shot. Yeah I know...99% effective. Still holding on to about 20 lbs of baby weight from the last kid this one 2 years later just added to it. Then came 9/11. By the end of my second trimester the hubby was off to invade Iraq and was supposed to be only a 3 week problem. yeah ok.
3 weeks turned to 2 months, which turned to 4-6 months and then by the time we hit 4 months it was going to be a year. Awesome.
How was I supposed to have another baby with a toddler in tow half a world away from my nearest family. WTF.
Then I found the Dr who changed everything, yes she was in the Army, but she was different. I lucked out, she had a waiting list, I lucked out and snuck in with someone's cancellation. She listen to me and understood what was going on. Gave me the realistic approach that I needed to make plans but there was a good possiblity she could get hubby home by the time this little one arrived. SHe also adjusted meds which made a huge difference. So I made all my arrangements flew out family to help just in case. He arrived 3 days before I went into labor. Thank goodness. We almost didn't make it to the hospital, but all is well and she was born in an Italian hospital.
We got everything settled and he went back to Iraq and finished the tour with his unit.
So I had two choice, lock myself away and hide or face the fear....Through the help of some very good friends I enjoyed the remainder of out time in Italy.
Then the oops... right after baby girl 2 was born I had an IUD put in. Mirena. 99.6% effectve. Right after hubby got back from Iraq...literally right after. I got pregant again. I know right... these three must be destined for greatness. lol
So 5 months along and we leave our European home and head to the tropics for our next assignment. For which the hubby did for me, he re enlisted for duty station so he could take me where I wanted to go.
The first major blow up and he said he wanted out. Nope..just a fight we patched it up and I found a therapist. He leaves for Afghanistan.
He comes back and things keep detiorating and I get an ultimatim as he leaves for the mainland for a school..make a change and a big one or we are through. I start working my butt off and drop 15 lb in a month.
He notices ! We make strides and come back, then he deploys again to Iraq. This one takes forever and becomes a 15 months deployment. He leaves in August and I start to spiral, by Christmas Hubby tells me he doesn't always like calling hime because of my negativity (I was pretty negative). This is another wake up call. I get my ass in gear and make my treadmill my best friend. I went from 180-to 145 from Christmas to April when he came home for leave. He was amazed!!! I felt awesome!
We couldn't keep our hands off each other.
Slowly but surely as he returns from deployment and I spend less and less time with my treadmill and more time with him and eating out, the weight creeps back on...all the toning is gone too. By the time we PCS to the mainland and get to our new home...I've jumped back to 165. I feel horrible and it shows.
Over the course of the next year, we get worse and he threatens to leave one time. We patch it up, then the bomb drops....
He had an affair...of sorts. Its still shady, but heres the gist, I get an email from a guy saying he things my hubby and his wife are having an affair. He even sends me emails theyve exchanged. So I know somethigns going on so I pull our phone records. Sure enough she is where the majority of his texts are going. I confront him and while at first he gets defensive telling me to prove it...I show him all the texts on our bill. Crash and burn...he says they never met and nothing physical..she says the opposite.
I chose a middle path...I don't believe either of them. But make an active decision to give him another chance. But it wasn't a fair chance, I questioned his every move, constantly checked his call logs. Made his life hell pretty much. Which he deserved. But I drug it out. 2 years later he was still paying for it.
We are both responsible for where our marriage went wrong. We are both at fault
3 years and 2 duty stations later, I find another. this one I know was only fantasy play as he was in Iraq again...and she was stateside. This one didnt' sting as bad, because there wasn't anything personal to it. I chalked it up to porn really. but my gaurd has gone even higher. And I made it very clear there would be no more indescretions or it would be over. I don't care how much I love him.
Over the course of the past 3 years I've let my anger and resentment over this build up and show its ugly face all the time. I became very argumentative, selfish, jealous of everything, watching every move like a hawk, taking away any sense of individuality he had. I questioned the motives on everything. Really my mind went to crazy places. I invented things that looked like they were going on. the saying goes "you look hard enough, you'll find what you are looking for even it's not real.
And that bring us to now. Hes angry and resentful as am I. He's been mean and harsh, overly critical and impossible to please.
Those are reflections of our own fears, retailiation because of hurt.
Do I think we can make it, come back from this hopeless place?
Absolutely.
I fell into a depression, partly post partum, but also because of our situation. Over the next few years it got worse and I became the tupical Army spouse... wearing my hubbys pt shirts around no make hair in a ponytail or bun..I gave up on me. Our relationship suffered as did our sex life.
Finally got the courage after a big fight to go to a Dr...the Major who saw me, didn't want to listen to what was going on and gave me an Rx for happy pills.
Bandaid 1 in place.
Then I got pregnant with baby girl #2 While on the depo shot. Yeah I know...99% effective. Still holding on to about 20 lbs of baby weight from the last kid this one 2 years later just added to it. Then came 9/11. By the end of my second trimester the hubby was off to invade Iraq and was supposed to be only a 3 week problem. yeah ok.
3 weeks turned to 2 months, which turned to 4-6 months and then by the time we hit 4 months it was going to be a year. Awesome.
How was I supposed to have another baby with a toddler in tow half a world away from my nearest family. WTF.
Then I found the Dr who changed everything, yes she was in the Army, but she was different. I lucked out, she had a waiting list, I lucked out and snuck in with someone's cancellation. She listen to me and understood what was going on. Gave me the realistic approach that I needed to make plans but there was a good possiblity she could get hubby home by the time this little one arrived. SHe also adjusted meds which made a huge difference. So I made all my arrangements flew out family to help just in case. He arrived 3 days before I went into labor. Thank goodness. We almost didn't make it to the hospital, but all is well and she was born in an Italian hospital.
We got everything settled and he went back to Iraq and finished the tour with his unit.
So I had two choice, lock myself away and hide or face the fear....Through the help of some very good friends I enjoyed the remainder of out time in Italy.
Then the oops... right after baby girl 2 was born I had an IUD put in. Mirena. 99.6% effectve. Right after hubby got back from Iraq...literally right after. I got pregant again. I know right... these three must be destined for greatness. lol
So 5 months along and we leave our European home and head to the tropics for our next assignment. For which the hubby did for me, he re enlisted for duty station so he could take me where I wanted to go.
The first major blow up and he said he wanted out. Nope..just a fight we patched it up and I found a therapist. He leaves for Afghanistan.
He comes back and things keep detiorating and I get an ultimatim as he leaves for the mainland for a school..make a change and a big one or we are through. I start working my butt off and drop 15 lb in a month.
He notices ! We make strides and come back, then he deploys again to Iraq. This one takes forever and becomes a 15 months deployment. He leaves in August and I start to spiral, by Christmas Hubby tells me he doesn't always like calling hime because of my negativity (I was pretty negative). This is another wake up call. I get my ass in gear and make my treadmill my best friend. I went from 180-to 145 from Christmas to April when he came home for leave. He was amazed!!! I felt awesome!
We couldn't keep our hands off each other.
Slowly but surely as he returns from deployment and I spend less and less time with my treadmill and more time with him and eating out, the weight creeps back on...all the toning is gone too. By the time we PCS to the mainland and get to our new home...I've jumped back to 165. I feel horrible and it shows.
Over the course of the next year, we get worse and he threatens to leave one time. We patch it up, then the bomb drops....
He had an affair...of sorts. Its still shady, but heres the gist, I get an email from a guy saying he things my hubby and his wife are having an affair. He even sends me emails theyve exchanged. So I know somethigns going on so I pull our phone records. Sure enough she is where the majority of his texts are going. I confront him and while at first he gets defensive telling me to prove it...I show him all the texts on our bill. Crash and burn...he says they never met and nothing physical..she says the opposite.
I chose a middle path...I don't believe either of them. But make an active decision to give him another chance. But it wasn't a fair chance, I questioned his every move, constantly checked his call logs. Made his life hell pretty much. Which he deserved. But I drug it out. 2 years later he was still paying for it.
We are both responsible for where our marriage went wrong. We are both at fault
3 years and 2 duty stations later, I find another. this one I know was only fantasy play as he was in Iraq again...and she was stateside. This one didnt' sting as bad, because there wasn't anything personal to it. I chalked it up to porn really. but my gaurd has gone even higher. And I made it very clear there would be no more indescretions or it would be over. I don't care how much I love him.
Over the course of the past 3 years I've let my anger and resentment over this build up and show its ugly face all the time. I became very argumentative, selfish, jealous of everything, watching every move like a hawk, taking away any sense of individuality he had. I questioned the motives on everything. Really my mind went to crazy places. I invented things that looked like they were going on. the saying goes "you look hard enough, you'll find what you are looking for even it's not real.
And that bring us to now. Hes angry and resentful as am I. He's been mean and harsh, overly critical and impossible to please.
Those are reflections of our own fears, retailiation because of hurt.
Do I think we can make it, come back from this hopeless place?
Absolutely.
No comments:
Post a Comment